I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
