saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
