just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
