I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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