All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
