you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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