I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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