So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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