Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
