When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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