I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
