I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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