Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
