The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
