It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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