i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
