There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
