dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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