I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
