just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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