She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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