nut hugger
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
