her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
