using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
