I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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