her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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