3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
