I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
