how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
