Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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