Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
