hotel room ftw
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
