You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We left an ass print on the piano.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
