I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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