I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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