Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's like heaven, but drunker
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
