dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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