i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
