This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
