i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
