sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
