Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
