I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
