I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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