It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
