i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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