The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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