im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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