Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
