what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
