two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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