Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize