I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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