turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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