I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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