enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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