Ambien. No doubt about it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
