im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
