are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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