i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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