Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
