I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
