I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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