Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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