you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
