i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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