hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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