is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
a search helicopter?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
