i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
