so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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