Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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