someone threw a dead crab at me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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